i didnt cry, all that i saw was smile.
all my life, i never had enough braveness to touch him with love, but my laughs and smiles are all his.
and again, he held my hands, held my shoulder, like he was telling me something. but nothing, i catched nothing. i loved the smile he was giving.
he made me shy yet he made me smile :)
his smile for me was nothing, but i remember that now, his smile was.... overwhelming, calm, and full of peace.
i smiled again. and im smiling right now.
i remember sitting beside him. he was laying there, weak but strong.
on that hospital bed, and i was loving that place. i was loving that bed, and im loving him.
but then, i flew to this house, to this place in this world. i saw him. i saw mom, i saw his wive. all cried. all screamed. they all sat beside him, they all cried.
tears were all screaming. i was confused. i lightened a candle, it was dark.
but before that...
i said to my mom who was sitting beside him, "mom, dont cry..."
but, i cried. i cried. i was small, and didnt remember anything important, but i cried.
i saw that man. he was sleeping peacefully.
i remember months before that, he was eating a bowl of warm porridge. in front of me and all the family. he didnt say a thing because i didn listen to any word he said. i regret that.
when he was walking, slowly i pushed him from his back, so he could walk faster with his stick. i smiled but i was shy. but still, i wanted him to walk as fast as me.
i smiled and ran away everytime he looked at me. i was shy.
back to that brown case. i put my tears in there, one, two, three drops i have let go. and then, i let him go. down down there in that big square hole that has been digged down.
i threw some sand to dig him with that brown case.
i was smiling, i was happy. i felt empty. i guess, i was missing something.
i heard people still crying. i still wonder why. why?
and now i have realized. the hospital bed, the sand i threw, the brown case, the stick, the slow push.
i remember you, MY GRANDFATHER. my ompung doli.
I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. and most of all I MISS YOU. and im dying to see you.
I LOVE YOU, grandpapa. I LOVE YOU.
