What do you think of love?
Can you have a guess? Can you give a try? Or a taste?
Is it tasty? Tell me. seduce me with your thing called love.
Tell me what you got.

I would love to be a vampire, be me. Bite me.
Suck my blood. Tell me that you've lived like forever.
Tell me, how your life has been? Nasty? Sexy? Bloody?
Boring it is.

Heal me Dr. Phil, take me to your future.
Kiss me with your cruel intensions. I would love to kiss them.

Oh Hugh, oh Anna Nicole.
Sleep with me and kiss me goodnight.
Take my pictures while I pose in style.
Sexy is your life, what's my word for this life?

You are my water.
But what do you think of me? Am I the at least?
Will you put me in front? Do I have to beg baby?
Guess.

I would love to see you in pain.
You're my favorite drugs.
I really want ti burn you down, I want to take you down.
Real injury, no pain, and you'll see I'm this nasty.
Have you ever thought about me?
I'm going to have your tears dropping.
Looking forwarf to seeing you crying.
Yes baby, I am your monster level six.
I'll dig your hole, it's going to be my pleasure to put your body in.

\

bye.

hey bitch,

im patricia and im monster level 6. I LOVE TO DANCE IN STYLE, and i miss my froyo! no, not that frozen yoghurt.

i love you, monster level 6!

"thanks cia, i'll never forget you. because of you, i did well on my test, and my mom isnt mad, I LOVE YOU. you're the greatest girl i've ever met." - sunday mailman.

awww,,, I LOVE YOU TOO.

oh wait, we do that. boy to girl, girls to girls. the kissing, hugging, and the photos, WE DO THAT IN JUNIOR HIGH baby.

PICTURE DAY.

let's pose in style!

i really really really want to post the others, doesnt mean i forget, but tomorrow is MATH! si gotta go, catch ya tomorrow, kk?

YOU'RE ALL THAT I WANTED.

BUT YOU JUST DON'T CARE, AND NOW THAT WE PARTED.

I NEED TO FEEL YOU HERE.

JOIN ME! ewwjustinbieber.com

i do like justin bieber, her oh wait, his voice, his FACE! his everything, but... HIS SONGS REMIND ME OF THIS SHIT. so knock it off justin. he thinks he's cute, HE IS CUTE?

yea, he is, BUT, KISS MY BUTT.

ILU, J. but the guy who texted me on sunday loves me too. HAH, JK.

joe was gay, i think he still not cute, but his hair!

im not a disney fan kinda stuff thats begging for a new whole life, but im just cheking this guy.

he is BETTER than JUSTIN BIEBER!

but still, justin is cute.

the two men.

i know this guy, we used to be very tight, even though like we were far from each other. he made me smile so wide, he made my heart beated so frekin fast so fast fast fast. we just texted thats all that we did, but that was satisfying, everytime he replied, i smiled, and everytime i was replying his i smiled. i laughed, i ran.

he was my first, and the lasy guy that i had a relationship via texting. that was him. he was my number one. was. WAS.

and i didnt fall in love with him, no. i just didnt. being in love for me isnt having your heart beating fast, you smile and laugh everytime you remember that guy. no.

but for me, personally, being in love is falling for someone unexceptable. someone that i never think i'd waste my time just worrying and remembering him all the time.

but, that was him.

that's the past, and aint coming back. na ah ah ah. so sorry but yeah. and i'd never regret texting him. 2 years ago.

and there was the other one.

he was sweet, he was too sweet, and i'd not be ashamed if he found out that i still like him. i still do. LIKE HIM. i know this might be wrong because i like him, but, i've spent so many days worrying about him. we held hands, we texted, we called. and worried about each other.

we were a couple, i think.

,

and the story about us, it was him that ended it. but someone is pushing my back, thats Ms. M. and i still am not over him.

he was the first guy that, DAMN.

im gonna miss those days.

but anyway, does anyone of you would like to guess what love really is? yes you, what do you say about love?

FUNNY, HUH?

i listen to baby, i remember you, bitch.

i hate you because i hate justin bieber.

oh wait, yeah hell i love justin! but things about justin is breaking and ugh.

sometimes i love this girl that broke my heart right here.

i read her blog oftenly, and i love her! i do do do.

:)

wait, i know i have said nasty things about being a bi, good people will think im joking, i dont know about you, but i'd love to sleep with a man someday (OH GOAT!)

she is nasty, she is cute, she is beautiful, she is adoring and playful.

and she loves everybody, thats a plus!

well, gotta say, she's older than me. but age doesnt talk.

well, i love her, by reading her writings, yes!

but i havent met her in face, i hope she is as lovely and hateful as her writings!

and her hateful writings? they're not that hateful. i love her, that is it.

this is the first time. im getting nicer i guess. thats great, im hoping so.

this part really gets me. especially reminds me of you. I HATE YOU.

HUH, im hating this.

SEX AND THE CITY 2 frekin new stills! I CANT WAIT!

hi, im patricia, im monster level 6, and im a free bitch.

i am not over you.

still not.

i used to be like this little toy. and right now, i really wanna be that toy, again, for another seconds. i think so.

when he left, i kept listening to everybody knows. and now, im listening to not your enemy.

i wish i could get away. away so away.

i didnt cry, i was happy.

maybe, this is the best. just maybe. but, i think somebody knowns the very best. and tats not me. but, im gonna find out. soon.

IMU.

YELLOW JACKET.

hey there, mr hot, LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING YOU TOMORROW.

AH, I LIKE THAT YELLOW JACKET GUY!

cute voice, huh?

and this guy right here, HE GOT MY HEART! DAAYYYMNNN!

i am over YOU.

i've been picking up my little sister from her school.

the school that i had dreamt FOREVER and EVER and EVER.

the school i had cried for, my tears are sold for that little pitiful school.

the school of my dream, whoops, wait, im wrong, the USED TO BE a dream school of mine..

I AM SOOOOOO SOOO FREAKIN OVER YA.

maybe this is what God has planned, and im loving it. LOVE IT GOD. loving your next masterpiece.

and you see, YOU, YOU, not the school but YOU, you could've been a part of His masterpiece, but you left :(

patricia utami saragih says :

You couldve been a apart of a Masterpiece

b i t c h

im a bitch, and i dont know why, i just dont care about anything at all. what people said? shake it off. well, i once almost cried because of what they said, then i moved my seat to adelia. because i was extremely offended. shit.

and i still dont know why this guy get dates. HE SUCKS. and his girl too. ugh, what a nasty-unbelivable-eww couple. i dont hate them, i dont hate people, because hating people aint nice, it is a sin, and besides, hating brings no advantages.

so, i ve been facing this computer for noting for hours. well, no no no, im reading history, hell yeah. i even have a prediction when the earth will be doomed.

thats when the un comes from the west not the east. careful, so watch the sun.

so, okay, i was offended real bd, really like real bad. what he said was very UGH-O-MY-GOAT!

cant face it.

so, at school there is this teacher, okay fine, i admit im suppperrrr active. but doesnt mean i cant be right? I AM HYPERACTIVE, fuck it.

i move a lot, i dance and sing too much, thats because i listen too hundreds of songs. i can remember all the lyrics, and it's not even a sin to move ans sing songs i remember.

NOT A SIN, baby. NA AH.

this teacher, i dont know. hates me maybe? doesnt like me i guess, because i disturb a lot. i disturb my friends and talk too much. well, IM SORRY THEN. SORRY.

so from that moment, friends keep saying and teasing my ass. this what really hurt :

"when are you gonna be normal? you are never normal. BO NORMAL, be normal."

and this other one, really get my ass :

"..... you see, you're a girl but has no ----."

FUCK YOU, man. i dont know why, but right now, this very moment, i feel like, uh ah oh, i feel okay with what they said.

i know it hurt me. hiks.

but the yesterdays let them be.

im reading history. oh well fun.

pucker up kiss my butt. EWW.

this is fun(ny)

demi and joe has amazing(ly stolen my heart)

the lyric is too strong, i love it. demi's voice is amazingly strong ans yet beautiful, the video is too plain but they put a little fun and a little too much water and fish. thats the point. LOVE THE VOICES.

im as active as... but activer.

she is very amazing, her voice, her EVERYTHING. amazing non the less.

HERstory of history was amazing.

diggy came to rock :

dont even forget to download!

lately, i've been reading too much. my eyes have been having some troubles. this morning, they're watery (is it the right english? huh)

and i needed tissues like i was crying.

what's up with that?

im readin the history of indonesia. i dont know why, this is all because of my geography teacher, she told us the story of Ahmad Yani and the other 7 revolution heroes that died because of PKI (Indonesian Communist Party) in east jakarta there, in lubang buaya. she told us, and i was like full of interest because of what she told my and my friends. her stories were like saying : hi, my name is history, and im handsome. i bet you like me.

and yeah hell, i like history. but the thing is, the history that my real history teacher told me, isnt that interesting.

my geography teacher's history, is like TETRIS but funner :D

yes. i love you my geography teacher.

because of her, im surfing the internet, no more because of facebook, but now, because im searching of stuff.

thankyou STANLEY.

THIS IS THE MAD pt. 3

w/ adeliaaaaaa love

this class is hot, imma miss this.

you cant see my face, cause, well, my face is BAD.

fuck yeah alays.

THIS IS THE MAD pt. 2

my sexy lesbian. ahahahaha jk.

my miserable-but-i-love bitchy outfit.

as we know the theme was colorful summer, for me, summer is to get wet, and bitchy. HAH.

MWAH XP

AWW, I LOVE YOU BRII AND NAT!

im scared too friend

so, i call and text my friend right here. not everyday, but, urgently, when we just need to be heard, we call each other.

and i love to hear and share stories with him.

"call again, i need u."

with only a few credits left on my phone, i called him. he shared strories, he said he was afraid. and i felt the same thing. hell yeah, im afraid too.

and then, i told him and adviced him what to do, and what he should do tonight, tomorrow, and in the fture, because we re facing NATIONAL EXAMS hell yeaaaaaahhhh!

and i would like to hear more.

THIS IS THE MAD pt. 1

michelle, natasha, gio, raymond.

the JB GURLS.

irwan, vanchin, devon, FUN and MESSY.

i accidentally hit my head to a bench, damn, thanks ken :)

and i fell in love,

i guess it's going to be fcking hard to leave this school that has changed my style, threw my sadness, and bring in the crowd.

i love YOU.

i dont know.

i sometimes get jealous. oh weait, yeah i get jealous alot sometimes. when i see girls walling with my FRIEND i get jealous. but i kick ass with texting.

i dont know what im dealing with right now, but i kinda like these times. the times when people are texting me, even though they re not checking me out.
i never dreamt of having this feeling that im having right now, it';s confusing yet amazing.

and i would love to STILL kick some ass by give it ANOTHER try.

cant wait to see your face.

love is living my life i guess.

but NA AH ms. shalleey. im not falling for anybody anybody at all. im not a big deal at all for your life. so why im telling?

tomorrow is wednesday. always i go to this course to study physics and math. huh, hate them, i know. but hello, im doing my best on math and physics.

in fact, i got 85 and 78 on my last tests. i wanna cry :)

but i hate this problem that is hanging a person on. I HATE HANGING PEOPLE ON. i hate, because i dont wanna be hung on too.

well, forget it, i aint falling for anybody right now.

I JUST WANNA DATE MYSELF and kissing myself in the mirror, that would be purrrrfect!

i wish i was a bi. HAHAH. thats disgusting.

but well, is being a bi nasty? na ah, i think thats beautiful and fun.

because being straight is PITYful.

i learnt this word from my friend, gilbert. first i heard this word, i laughed.

PITYFUL, michelle. thats funny.

well, too-daaah-looh people!

"are you sure you're okay? you're okay right?"

once a guy said that to me. and i was falling. well yeah, that clear.

this happened 2 years ago. and i waited for him, for about a year and yeah that long.

if i say to myself to be faithful, there, im like a dog, will wait for you, FOREVER. and ever and ever.

but i realized, liking a guy has risks. and i aint taking everything seriously. i like being in love. but, so far, i have never met that "falling-in-real-love" thingy.

well, i guess i have. but, this heart, this heart has been hurt quite bad because of the thing called "love", and so i aint admitting i have found love.

because real love, i believe, he/she/it/they DONT HURT.

and i promise myself, im going to find that true love. dont care if that true love meaning i aint finding any true love.

because life, we have to enjoy life itself. not things in it.

because things in it, they are TEMPORARY.

sorry for my english. i know i SUCK. but, hey, practising aint a sin.

i dont wont let that be you.

I've been listening to justins song for hours and ages. I don't know why, I realized I'm a huge fan, but I love his songs more than I love him. Cause I know he aint real, well real in person but me will never meet him. Casue errggggghh.

I listen to his songs because they say something, something abotu YOU man. About YOU always. From that to this- they are like connected to say stuff about you.

You see I wrote this song once with my group at school. It is named : I still love you. And I guess I'm eating that song right now.
"Can you tell me what did I do? Did it really hurt you badly? Did it hurt that bad? I still like you and I'm sure you still do too I still love you and I know you do too. And now I'm herr abd you left me alone in the dark."

I wrote that song a couple months ago, this song was for a guy that I liked for TWO FCKIN YEARS! Long huh? And now he is gone and has another girl to love and like. Well, I'm too young to talk about love I know thatt. But I guess this song is eatin and cursin me up. Helpp.


I hope I can't last until everything about schools finished.
May 7.

im still standing here.

I'm waiting for that to comeback and pick me up, to ask me am I ready or not and hold my hands tight. I miss that and I loved that. What am I doing now? I'm still here not going anywhere until I get hurt because of waiting too long. I know this isn't me two three four months before, "that" changed me. And I blame that for making me to be a better worse person. That steered me wrong, that fucked me up, and that cared. That.... Made me cry and wait,,, and I'm still,, here standing still.


I'm OVERBOARD.

i know you cant love me. i know that.

With you,
With you,
I wish we had another time,
I wish we had another place...

Now Romeo & Juliet,
They could never felt the way we felt,
Bonnie & Clyde,
Never had the highlight,
We do,
We do...

You and i both know it can't work,
It's all fun and games,
'til someone gets hurt,
And i don't,
I won't let that be you...

Now you don't wanna let go,
And i don't wanna let you know,
There might be something real between us two, who knew?
Now we don't wanna fall but,
We're tripping in our hearts and it's reckless and clumsy,
'cause i know you can't love me here...

I wish we had another time,
I wish we had another place,
But everything we have is stuck in the moment,
And there's nothing my heart can do (Can Do),
To fight with time and space 'cause,
I'm still stuck in the moment with you...

See like Adam & Eve,
Tragedy was a destiny,
Like Sunny & Cher,
I don't care,
I got you baby...

See we both,
Fightin' every inch of our fiber,
'cause in a way,
It's gonna end right but,
We are both too foolish to stop...

Now you don't wanna let go,
And i don't wanna let you know,
There might be something real between us two, who knew?
And we don't wanna fall but,
We're tripping in our hearts and it's reckless and clumsy,
And i know you can't love me here...

I wish we had another time,
I wish we had another place,
But everything we have is stuck in the moment,
And there's nothing my heart can do (Can Do),
To fight with time and space 'cause,
I'm still stuck in the moment with you...

See like,
Just because this cold cold world saying we can't be,
Baby, we both have the right to decide we,
And i ain't with it,
And i don't wanna be so old and grey,
And it isn't 'bout these better days,
But convince just telling us to let go,
So we'll never know...

I wish we had another time,
I wish we had another place,
'cause everything we did,
And everything we have is stuck in the moment,
Yeahhh...

I wish we had another time,
I wish we had another place,
But everything we have is stuck in the moment,
And there's nothing my heart can do,
(Nothing my heart can do),
To fight with time and space 'cause,
I'm still stuck in the moment with you,
Yeah,
Whoa whoa...

this is so my situation. i dont know :(

i miss you :(

i miss mr. F so much. but most of all i miss you. yes YOU. you're making me sad right now man :(

i just want you to know that.

well, fck problems. here :

im off okaay? i'll be gone foe this week. busy messing with EXAMS.

you :

you feel it right? you do.

too bad you're late.

it's not you. but, ma.

i know too much that sometimes im confused in the middle, in the center, and when i get attentions, i start to ask myself : who are these guys? what is this? what the hell is happening? and what am i? i have changed, havent i?

life isnt fun, thats why i always say that it is fun, because maybe i might get the chance to have the little so-called-seconds-of-fun in life.

and im still waiting.

cause everytime before i got to sleep, i share stories to my Best Friend in heaven above, i say :

"good night Jesus. thank You for today, i met "this guy" and i shared stories with "that guy"! i couldnt believe those moments! thank You God, i love YOU. good night there. i know You might be tired of listening to what people are saying, but they love You, and im hoping."

and i took days to mend my trust to my Best Friend after i found out, i didnt get accepted in my dreamy senior high school. i didnt even have one single reason why should i be breathing at that time. why i went to school. all i did was, cry during most of the classes.

my eyes were screaming so loud, even people couldnt hear a thing. i was hurt. i was hurt, and i blamed My Best Friend and His Father, an i blamed my Father.

i felt like, damn, there is no reason i should be living anyway. but, no, i didnt try to kill myself. but, i wanted and hoped for buses, cars, thieves, robbers, and rapists to take my live away. take it, mean people. im here. but no, i stayed still and still do. i stayed strong but still didnt keep hoping and holding on.

until, i realized my OTHER 2 FRIENDS did get accepted. but me? NO, HE DIDNT EVEN GIVE A LITTLE CHANCE. i felt like SHIT. i was so fucked up. and even i felt like nobody needed me. and people at my house kept asking me to write letters to the head nun of that dreamy school of mine.

but THOSE SHITTY LETTER DIDNT WORK and didnt even say a thing, didnt even toush her soft great heart to at least give me one desk for me to sit next july.

but no, she didnt give a chance.

so, where must i go, God? where? traumatic. since i was a little kid, i have hoped : OH THAT SCHOOL IS AMAZEBALL. i want to go there.

but, what id i get? NONE, NOTHING, such a pity huh?

i didnt know what to do. i felt like, im lost in the middle of nowhere without nobody by my side nor leading the way for me.

but now. i have opened my eyes. i have opened my heart backt to receive my Best Friend back. and every night, i aint praying for Him to make me be in that dreamy school. but for me to KEEP STRONG and HOLDING ON everything i have trust, and what i have given, all of them are PRICELESS.

even Bill Gates cant even buy them.

"i know, i even have no feelings for you to be in that school. in the high school you're going, you are going to be BIG. there is an english debate club. join that club the date the leader."

"do you want to be smart or you want to go to that dreamy school?"

"it's a great experience isnt it? failing is great factor for you to not fail again."

this one touches my deepest heart :

http://stephbystep.blogspot.com/2009/09/papa-dont-preach.html

kang, i love you kang. i miss you. come back home and sleep beside me in that nasty old bed of ours. do your best kang.

WE LOVE YOU.

@e_irwans says :

Life isn't about waiting the storm to pass. Its about learning to dance in the rain.

well, i dont really give a what.

You're a bit busier than you'd like, but you know you can get all this stuff out of the way if you just run with it. See if you can get your friends or colleagues to help out when it gets rough.

it is not just rough. it's barking. this shitty new so-called problem is shitting me off.

im sorry. so sorry.

well, i know that im a very very very very baddd person.

i laugh when you laugh.

i smile when you smile.

and i cry when you cry because i just cant stand seeing people crying without seeing myself, crying also.

and when you slip and fall, i laugh seeing you crying :)

the point is : i've always been a very bad person. im nasty. i disgust you, and i am full of guts and faults.

and i aint proud of being this selfish bitch. you see thats why i forgive, cause i wanna be forgiven.

i never say : im sorry. so this is kinda. um,, herstory.

shitty.

well//fogive///me////

yeah, just blame it on me, gurl.

well, no, no, and na-ah. i have never ever ever ever ever tried to do something that is BAD.

this isnt my fault. this is, well yeah, this is my fault too.

but, NO, it 98% that person's fault.

but yes, im still responsible to that shitty 2%. cant wait what tomorrow's gonna bring.

i hope something that is, not hurting.

i suddenly remember you because of a friend.

i like you, man. i care about you.

YIKES.

justin bieber who hasnt hit puberty, HE IS YOU!

damn!

i dont want any CONT. cause im satisfied with the PAST. and, you were SATISFYING.

thats nasty.

i have fallen for too many guys. and gutsy. im not afraid to say all of them.

i dont care about those guys anymore either :)

done done done move on.

been there, done that.

just like i always hear and say, and im holding to it :

dont just stick to one boy, but to as many boys as you can.

i know, i know, im not that bitchy, and nobody seems to want me. but do i give a shit?

i dont stick to guys. because i might get hurt.

and no! i once got hurt by this "friend" (course, he wasnt even my date, duh?)

he hurt me too good and so bad. he ruined my saturday night, and sunday!

i hate him, and now i have something to do with him. just me and him.

sucks, aye? yeah hell.

he messes to mucch :(

well, maybe you dont kno my point is. but, if you ask, im gonna tell :)

promise.

anyways, i gotta go to sleep.

i havent taken any bath, my face is nasty and dirty, and i need to get some rest and sleep. and a medicine of course.

AND I NEED TO EAT A MEAL. I HAVENT EATEN ANY DINNER OR ANY SNACK AT ALL TODAY.

my stomach is so fucked up right now.

NIGHTIES, BITCHES. sleep tight!

good hell, you dont know how much i love STOMP THE YARD.

WELCOME TO : funk-eeyytown!

i honetly have to tell you something, but i just cant.
im shaking inside :')

i canttt. just cant open this freaking shakey mouth.

i think, i left my math exercise at my course. fcking hell i left it!

i'll have to study something else then. errrrrrg.

anyways, (i gotta stop saying that word)

i need a break time. im hungsry but it would kill me if i eat.

im veryveryvery hungry, but it would kill me. ergggh, i hate being sick.

please, cure me. with anything you have, mr. cure-er.

ugh, whatev.

i wish our hearts could come together as one.

YEAH HELL. keep dreaming.

i've been thinking lately, ive thought tons of stuff. and i maybe wrong, but i maybe right :)

i hope im wrong, because i dont want to be right.

and im used to be wrong, so yeah. im the one to be blamed.

anyways, how's your day has gone?

good, bad, na-ah, hu-uh, or what?

mine? d o not a skk. IT'S ALWAYS BEEN AMAZING to spend time with ya.

having you reading this is great.

seeing great people at school is amazeballs!

and i love you. and i heart that kidd. and i miss kakang :)

and i couldnt do the tests. hah, so sorry teacher, mom, i couldnt.

im glad everything is over. and i can focus on one thing now, GET OUT FROM JHS.

but i cant. but im ready for SMAK3 tho.

so smiley :D

i am SO-IN-LOVE dammit!

HAHAHA, i dont know why, but i am so in love :) hohoho.

you know what, i got a letter from IES Jakarta today. and i was surprised reading it.

i wish i could come there, someday. but who would i bring?

a boy that lives near that thamrin nine of course, von, please say yes :DD

ah forget that.

"to show you, hold you, dont leave out here dancing alone."

today, i did social studies and science. fcking hell those tests were, DAYMN!

but the ns..

(wait, im chatting with the guy i always tell you, HAIH!)

anyways, IM KICKING ASS FOR THE NExT TESTS!

math, english, bahasa, religion, whateevv, even im ready for MANDARIN :)

how not-cool is that?

im prepared. i hope so.

just wish me millions of luck!

i got guns.

im very hateful but im changing my mode.

yeah, i just changed.

heyy, bitchess, i just drop by before i go to say : hey there good-looking :)

im saying :

becareful of what you're saying, it might bite you in the future. so, watch your mouth!

is a GIRL with muscles wrong?

people tease me. yeah hell, they tease me a lot. i sometimes dont care about what they say.

but sometimes, what theyre saying makes me wanna fuck them hard because it's so hurty.

because well, i love people teasing me, because if you see those hurty stuff from your positive side, you see, those theyre saying are building you to be a better person. oh well.

and some friends at my school tease me because i have kinda big muscles. *shy*

am i embarassed? OH HELL NO.

cause, yeah, gotta say, i swim a lot, i dance too much, and i move all the time. i bring my bags to school by myself, and i just love to work with my hands.

the one i never realized, those stuff make me look like im having guy's arms.

still, im proud of having it.

thay're saying that im a strong woman. oh well, thank you.

btu yeah, the one i hated was that he said :

look at that! that looks like mine!

and i was like : yeah, so?

i used to be bullied when i was 12 years old. thay said i was a bitch, they took my photos and messed with them and put them as they're icons on msn.

i was so fcked. so, i learnt a lesson, never beat a person because you're going to be beaten by them IN THE FUTURE.

and im promising that, when i see them, ANYWHERE, imma clap in their ass.

one of them, FAILED her grade.

one, IS A BITCH IN HER SCHOOL.

and me, IM A SUPERmotherfcker.

im strong. so beat me up. and that day when you're beating me up, that might me the last day you'll ever see me.

sorry, im kinda harsh. thats me i guess. hate me, while it's free. i see people hating me every day. and i never give any what on them.

so hate me. i disgust you i know :)

she said WHAT?

heyy gutsy guys. i dont know why, but i miss swimming :(

i miss those nasty sexy foreginers i always see.

once this guy asked :

the guy : heyy, you want to race.

pat : noooooo.

cause you know. i'll lose. but, aih. no.

but anyways, i just studied for tomorrow's tests.

i have studied geography, history, and a little economy.

and i touched biology, but i just havent read any of them yet. but, i've put tons of stuff in my brain. im locking them. yeah, theyre locked :)

my sister is watching some disney channel. and im here, blogging. but yeah. i hate studying, people hate studying.

nerdies and geeks dont love studying.

they just have ambitions of GETTING GREAT GRADES. and suck on relationships and communications. LIKE ME.

i aint smart, my math always fail (but, NO I HAVE CHANGED), im fucked up on science, and i just love GUYS TOO MUCH.

im now also busy on twitter. i gotta go now, but, ARGGGGHH.

im going to stay up late tonight. i guess. thank God tuesday is OFF.

thank You thank You!

why i suddenly miss Gus Dur? i love him so much. he is the HOLIDAY giver. i miss that 1 but 3 days-off. hoho.

tomorrow's tests?

BRING IT ON! thats the spirit i need :)

this picture DISGUSTS me, a little.

well, i was looking for some stuff on google. but, when i was opening this wesite i found...

i was like, whaaattt>>

the formula of circle, amplitidos, hertz, and stuff.

EWWHH.

follow @johnpantau!

I LOVE THIS JOHN MARTIN TUMBEL GUYYY!!!

so, i got it.

VIKRI SEPTIAWAN (hawwtyy) is my first.

rio haryanto and JOHN MARTIN!

i lovelove indonesia and i love these guys.

patricia is crossing out :

"you are the one that used to care about me. and you still do. you said that i am your best friend, and i love you. when i was crying, you called me, and said : ah, dont cry, let it go, you have me. you're the best man!"

little about p-p-pat. from last year until (yeah)

yeah, autism attacks sometimes.

my mom was busy with her teeth and her dentist, well me, i was busy with a camera.

about dreaming big.

i'd love to have tons of kids. na-ah. i wanna have 3 kids. yeah hell. i really wanna have 3.

whatever their sexes are. i dont care.

i take girls, boys, both okaay. they're from the Up Above right?

one girl, imma name HAWILA.

you know wbout hawila? Hawila is a name of a place in eden. a place where Adam and Eve used to live. Hawila is a place there, that produces GOLD.

so, Hawila, my kid, she is going to produce GOLD for her mom, me.

haha. thats big.

no, i have others. i really wanna be a writer. i fucking writer. i even have written some, but i stopped for unreasonable reason. because i havent found the right ending.

well, actually i have, but, err...

and one thing, i,,, umm,, i was once interested in being a bisexual person. HAHAH. yes, like lady gaygay that i love so much. no lie.

i was interested in being a lesbian. but NOOOOOOOOOO, HELL NOOO, i go for boys always like always.

there was a question asking :

Q : so, are you a lesbian?

A : well, ummmm, well, NO. i love boys, A LOT.

and i really wish that i could go back to this one day. where i let my first dance go away.

this guy that i danced with was DAYMMNN BITCH!

haha. okay, enough of the nasty disgusting talk :)

but i do really miss that day. (i just smiled for no reason. OH NO!)

:)

okay that is it. this isnt dreaming big, this is called : calling back the sweetest past. how sweet the past was.

ya-ah. b-b-buttt,, youu??

im so sick right now. not even in the modd for going somewehre, or even move my ass.

i was upstairs, and i found myself, getting older every second, ALONE. which was very pathetic.

but, im very happy because im aint sticking myself to just one guy, but lots :)

HOHO. fun, huh?

(but wait a minute, there is a guy that wants to be with me? hah, good for me)

yeaaah, fuck that i dont really care about any relationships or any shit at all.

all i care is about how to pass those goddamn tests on monday.

theyre testing SCIENCE and SOCIAL STUDIES all on one day.

FUCKING HELL. why are you guys so mean?

you see, science and social never fit together. they are enemies. and i hate science, and i love social studies. like history (well, umm???), geography (hell yeah), and economy.

but science??

see those gr/cm3 make me cry.

and i still cant move my head clearly. im fucking sick. arggghhh!

cant even talk well, cant even move well. all that i can do is just TYPE.

daayyymnnn :(

cure me Friend. You have to cure me. help.

you cant make up your mind.

you cant make up your mind.

please dont waste my time. it took two days.

TOO BAD, i have told my sis and my friends, i really need to getaway.

teach me how to hawwt.

QUEST CREW they're hott.

this is s l e ep i n g w it h g u ys sa id :

this one isnt about you either.

its never about you, friend. never.

and btw, b-b-b-baaah, thats gay, man.

im happy today, i dont know why but my friends are so the best! do you know what they said to me today?

"i dont know why, but i dont have any feelings for you to go to that dreamy school of yours. and in the real high school you are going, YOU ARE GOING TO BE BIG AND DEVELOPED!"

other said :

"ci, in that high school, there is an english debate club, date the leader, and join that club cause you are going to have millions of friends."

aww, i lovelovelove you guysss. so much! so muuccchh!

and about YOU. i know know, ugh, "you're fucked up".

but na-ah na-ah sorry sorry sorry, cause i aint crying for any persons that only make me waste my golden times.

and my inbox is full. it is filled by this ONE TIME boy. i care about this guy sooosososososososoooo muchmuchmuch!!

HAHA. but yes, i damn do.

patricia is crossing out :

"im glad everything is clear. and i love that - sits beside moi."

busy twittering.

but anyways, imma make this straight.

well, im a FREEE BITCH! so happy i could die. yeha-yeah-ha.

well, how's your day went?

mine? AMAZIINGGG. finally he has decided to get over. SO HAPPY :) HUH HAH HUH. cause, i dont know. i have something to do today.

i really want to change my name to : hawila :)

get a tattoo and have kids with justin bieber. (HAH, HELL NO)

but wait, i have to do my work and more. and im not comitting any suicidal action like YOU, like a couple days ago.

so yeah, im a nasty kid. and i really have to go.

this is mean, my sissy just sent me a tweet :

@patriciautami .......BUT WHYYYY???!!!! He looks like Justin Bieber, your idol who hasn't hit puberty :p

you're damn right this is right :)

Don't let your emotionality ruin the things you want to do. Start on them anyway.

but thats not what im crossing out.

life is ooooooooooo FUN!

AINT LYING!

thanks you thank you amrbosius kenny, he texted me today, and i was like : DAAAMN. this guy is veryveryvery nice :) hoho.

so i was in school, then i went swimming today (sooo fun)

and then, during my way home, i had a little problem with myself, but SHIT ON THAT, i texted my friends.

then they said :

"i know, that happens, but, i know something, that you will make others blown away. i promise you that."

"you are sad? are you sure you're sad? you dont even??? YOU'RE SAD"

(HELL TO THE NO IM SAD! because of a boy?)

and btw, idc :)

alsoo, tsk tsk, i dont know why, but im very happy cause now, i can "ehm" what i call it, licking gut's ass.

and it's fun. the boom boom boom, and the heart-beating-faster and stuff. but, who?

there is this one guy in the very very very past that has made me fell in love and cried.

he is "him"

he's that shitty guy in my school. but now, who cares?

he's other's problem now. why do i have to give a shit anyway?

and btw, i should be crying, shitting myself off, pissing myself off, crying on my bed saying : i suck on relationship, and stuff.

but why am i here, blogging some stuff.

HAHA. im not that girl who would waste these kinda golden times to cry.

SHIT NO! hah.

cant wait for tomorrow and give xoxo to my friends. saying : yeah hell.

sby :)

hahaha, i dont know why, but im smiling widely :)

thank YOU God! hahahahaha. i lovelovelove YOU!

what i used were killer heels, but these ones? FUCK NO!

somthin about your lips and that pink..

patricia is crossing out :

"stop killing yourself. comiting suicide is a cheap act. i've done it before. and i dont know why comitting suicide is filling my head. huh? how come. but, yes, butttt, are you trying to comitt suicide? cause ive been there before and i failed. well, God loves me and He wants me to die in a better way. so, cant wait for His plan."

fuck yeah lady gay gay.

fuucccckkk youuuu..

ha-ah, yes for sure. i take this well (not) seriously, but i wanna look like i am.

so, im making my face mad.

have i gone mad ladies and gentlemen?

yes i have. hahah.

there is this guy from the past that really freaked me on. HAH. i dont really wanna remember him.

but yes, i always do remember those sweet past. FUCK I HATE THIS.

but well, what have you guys been doing? comitting suicide? kill yourself? saying THANKS GOD? or drink 13 pills of aspirin?

well, if you ask me, i'll say, an angel sent me a message on facebook. man, i love that angel. i thank God for that one angel.

thank YOU thank YOU thank YOUUU!!!

i lovelovelove YOU my bestfriend!

well, i heard a bit quite of news today. well, bitter news actually. I HATE HEARING THAT SHITTY NEWS. but thats the FUN OF LIFE, the fun of life is that, you are knocked down by life. thats the fun part.

the shitty part is when you are being screamed at by your mommo or daddah.

thats shitty, but what they're telling you IS RIGHT. damn right theyre RIGHT.

anyways, soo,, have you prayed to God to ask for help?

just a little shout would make Him smile. a little screaaam, like : help God. listen to me. help me.

just those little words. I GUARANTEE IT WILL HELP YOUR MISERABLE, SHITTY, AWFUL, AND HORRIBLE LIFE.

just says those words, those are magic! magic like real magic! :)

really? yes. really.

sooo, say to your problems : FUCCCKKKK YOUUUUU..

and say hello to : new kick back and relax.

im sorry, but yes, i care.

i carecarecare yup i do.

sometime's people just need some explanation right? yes, im gonna give you explanation. im going to.

going to.

the dan-c-c-c-e.

patricia is crossing out :

"FUCK AMBITION! fuck it. dont ever believe in the word AMBITION. cause it's nothing, and it's just going to bring you to the worst nightmare ever. AMBITION IS NOTHING."

im sorry, but i just cant right now.

Your ability to reason through your problems is greatly enhanced right now, so you should be able to make a lot of progress, though someone's feelings might get bruised a little by tonight.

patricia is crossing out :

"i care about : YOU. and i miss you kakaaaangg!!"

-

im tire-d. just like usual. blah blah.

i miss my school friends dont know why :(

i miss my temporary deskmate. hahah. he is fun. we played chain-words, and he won.

i sucked. blah.

anyways, i just did my bahasa indonesia homework. and im gonna do my math, science, and some socoal studies.

gonna have to do some tickies tonight. damn.

well, i have to stay up late, again.

but fucking hell, i havent taken a bath (hah, just like always)

i take a bath once a day :) i disgust you, i know. HAH.

well, i cant keep talking because the song aint gon write itself.

so, signing off.

g'day mate.

goo-a-loo im still tired.

you know what, i woke up today and i had to jog around. and im sweating and tired to DEATH.

dammit. im tired -_-"

im still tired because of yesterday :) and im happy because of that. HAHA.

but yeah, for real.

miss M texted me yesterday : do not worry BE STRONG!!! make tonight remembered :)

thank you miss M i lovelovelove youuuu!!

so yesterday, i went to school just like usual. chatted with friends and got out from school at 10.20, but, i stayed there until 1 p.m. all time low with mitzy, can-can, stanley, irwan, and more.

at 1, i went to hotel borobudur where all THE JAVA JAZZ CREW AND ARTISTS all stay there. and they're going home tomorrow.

and i saw john legeeeeennndddd!! hell yeah.

but im not realy a big fan so yeah.

after that, i swam. yes, i killed myself because i swam at about 2 or 3 p.m. and but i slpet there until about 5 or 4. i dont really remember because i was tired of swimming. but i loved it.

and then and then, i took a bath, got ready to go to UOB building to meet kris. but those heel i was wearing were KILLERRRS!!

so yeah, i hurt myself so bad yesterday, haha, it was amazing :)

i met new friends, new people. and they're alll NICEEEE. i had : TONS of fun.

after that, i went home but stopped by a mini market with my messed up dress and untidy heels. and i slipped. fun huh? yeah, it was really fun. but my brother helped me :) haha.

and then, honestly, wihtout brushing my teeth, washing my face, i just put myself on bed and sleep all night.

at seven : i woke up to jog. (not fun)

but, THANK YOU GOD. you;re the bestest friend :)

patricia is crossing out :

"HELL YEAH, i had fun today. from that jazzy hotel to that plaza."

crossing (ehm)

damn i gotta say i had TONS of fun today.

i think i saw JOHN LEGEND today, aint lying yes hell i saw that face :)

fucking hell i love john.

so, i met him tonight. and yeah, we

( i cant continue)

im tired, i need sleep, and my legs are hurt because of those killer heelssss!

well man, gotta go to sleep.

patricia is happy but kinda sick.

hah, temporary sick is fun. this is ill-y.
i miss my mommo. this is hurty. she and he are not coming home today.
i remember i always tell so many stories to her. its like now im telling her stories and she used to tell me so many stories.
argh, i miss mommo :(

and i miss you, kakang. i miss my sissy so much. she texted me before she took off, and i hated that tex because i cried because of her words, her sentence, and her-going-back-to-melbourne.
kang, i miss you. i miss you. i miss when i gave you a massage on your back, and when you were giving me solutions of my everyday. i miss you :(
ugh. i miss you. and your balckberry that you're about to give me,,,, soon :)
so cant wait sissy, hehe :)

and still, im happy but im sad because my little baby sister is sick :(
get well soon baby girl :) i love you, and im just about to send you upstairs, let's get some rest okay?

so bye for now. remember what im crossing out today, peeps. hah.

PEACE OUT XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX.
mwahmwaaaaaah.
okay im exaggerating. but still, love you, sleep tight!

notice these words : OPEN YOUR EYES on that building.

patricia is crossing out :

"i am a lucky girl. but i dont know, will tomorrow promises or not? will it? and is the future that scary or what? i promise i'll tell you everything when i get there, friend. we all will get there... someday."

are you for real? oh well, he is not my president.

the future : 900 km

im riding shotgun with my best friend driving my favorite car. we're going to the future. we;re going to die soon. and i am going to taste high school.

i cant wait, can i? can i wait for that?

ye, im waiting. and im hoping that the future is promising. and these days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow, have been a quite story.

and tomorrow i will tell these stoies and all that i ve been through to my kids. hah, cant wait.

and all that i can say is said here :

and still, tomorrow will be another story and will have another happy ending :)

and so i cant wait.

pictures of you pictures of me

all time low with adelia, vanchin, randy, and irwan.

my first abstract painting :) people tease this some love it, i love it too

my appointment cancelled (fcking hell) but then we ran to starbucks, i got sick.

he said i was mean.

hell yeah he was right. i am mean, and as far as i know, i am the meanest girl that i ve ever known.

for me, there are two ways to destroy a boy's life that have destroyed yours :

kick ass repay REVENGE time :)

hell yeah.

kick his ass back, girl. are you dumb or what? but i ve never done that because i deal with good men, and i know tons of good men. in my class, my courses, and more. i dont use names, sorry.

but anyways, i have a story to be told just like nabiha. i have to tell you this thing :

wait for it hah.

who are you people?

you serious the name is eenie meenie?? cute, huh.

mending my own bag

fcking hell, its hard!

rio haryanto.

he is one of the reasons im proud to be an indonesian. cause we have this handsome YOUNG man as a RACER. he drives man! he drives!

HAHA. RIO HARYANTO :)

ball of furrr.

share me your tears.

i remember i was sitting on a hospital bed.

i didnt cry, all that i saw was smile.

all my life, i never had enough braveness to touch him with love, but my laughs and smiles are all his.

and again, he held my hands, held my shoulder, like he was telling me something. but nothing, i catched nothing. i loved the smile he was giving.

he made me shy yet he made me smile :)

his smile for me was nothing, but i remember that now, his smile was.... overwhelming, calm, and full of peace.

i smiled again. and im smiling right now.

i remember sitting beside him. he was laying there, weak but strong.

on that hospital bed, and i was loving that place. i was loving that bed, and im loving him.

but then, i flew to this house, to this place in this world. i saw him. i saw mom, i saw his wive. all cried. all screamed. they all sat beside him, they all cried.

tears were all screaming. i was confused. i lightened a candle, it was dark.

but before that...

i said to my mom who was sitting beside him, "mom, dont cry..."

but, i cried. i cried. i was small, and didnt remember anything important, but i cried.

i saw that man. he was sleeping peacefully.

i remember months before that, he was eating a bowl of warm porridge. in front of me and all the family. he didnt say a thing because i didn listen to any word he said. i regret that.

when he was walking, slowly i pushed him from his back, so he could walk faster with his stick. i smiled but i was shy. but still, i wanted him to walk as fast as me.

i smiled and ran away everytime he looked at me. i was shy.

back to that brown case. i put my tears in there, one, two, three drops i have let go. and then, i let him go. down down there in that big square hole that has been digged down.

i threw some sand to dig him with that brown case.

i was smiling, i was happy. i felt empty. i guess, i was missing something.

i heard people still crying. i still wonder why. why?

and now i have realized. the hospital bed, the sand i threw, the brown case, the stick, the slow push.

i remember you, MY GRANDFATHER. my ompung doli.

I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. and most of all I MISS YOU. and im dying to see you.

I LOVE YOU, grandpapa. I LOVE YOU.

when you touch me..

when you touch me, when you give a little touch, i //always// get/ this// trip /to// heaven.

it couldnt be better :p

patricia is crossing out :

"i just cant believe im doing this for a person. i never do something very important for a person before. except my mom, dad, brother, and sisters. now, will i regret this try? will i love this mission? or this thing-for-person is just going to kick me ass?"

taylor is a lucky girl, too bad i dont really like her that much.

see what tell huh?

i wrote 2 poems when my indonesian teacher was telling about some tests. i hated listening so much. i was just really in real bad mood.

im hating this guy right now. no no, these guys.

GAH, i hate them. huh?
tell me whats happening?

it's thursday already, damn im really dying for a glass if slurpee. damn, i love slurpee :(

hey, btw, have you listened to yourself today?

i have, and it sucked me, well, at least i ve given a try. tomorrow, im gonna suck my day again, because i really love to listen to my heart, again. again again :)

even it hurts so bad, but do i care? it's better than lying.

lying is a sin. hah, hell yeah.

patricia is crossing out :

"selfishness is not always bad, though. if you dont care about yourself, who's gonna take care of it, then? loving is fun, searching for new ones gotta be picky. are you ready for the next step you're heading? there's a big mountain over there, careful, you need ropes and hiking shoes. PRAY BEFORE YOU START CLIMBING. God is there beside you."

yeah, about that.

i havent told you, aye?

haha, it's nothing probably, but i just like to give stuff that i have told you before. BE PICKY, peeps. be PICKY. what a bastard i am. but yeah, try to try to.

well, im confused about this thing, why people hate others? why? while they can share love and stories to people without viewing any status or any shit at all. imagine this, you sitting alone, but beside you there is this girl that you havent talked to for ages, but you've been in that school for 3 years, and you still havent talked to that bitch over there.
try it this wway : TALK TO HER. that would be nice, that would be cool. at least try her. is she fun? you dont know yet. listen : DO NOT MAKE ANY SHITTY PERCEPTIONS ON YOUR OWN. because you dont know YET, you dont know, baby, you dont know yet.
just try, maybe she is fun, and entertaining. or maybe she is nice and could be one of your girlfriends or good friends.
or at least, give a smile and a little cheap chat. yes, that would be great.

be picky and judgy to choose your best friends and good friends that hang around with you all the time. but DO NOT BE PICKY on making friends. because friends are great.
friends are there for you. start now :)


and about liking guys and girls. well love, love comes accidentally and without its purpose, so be ready at all times.
thats all im saying.

and also, BE SATISFIED.
thats veryveryvery important. thats like fucking important. be satisfied on your body, your life, your face, your look.
and be happy and smile when you are looking to that fucking person in the mirror. because it's you it's nobody else but you. so smile and say : hey handsome/sweet thing.
cause, yes you are. you are.


ah, im tired.
ah im tied up.

i dont know, maaaan :(

yikes. at this very moment, im tired. at this very moment, im waiting for a really stupid thing!
DAMMIT.

im stuck here in my moms office, waiting for my driver to bring us the key to the car that he accidentally brought.
he drives another car. and my mom's crv's key is with him. oh smart.

what am i talking about? gaaarr. (i suddenly dreaming of... a bowl of porridge)
im pregnant or what?
i think it could be funny, if i came to a man or a boy or whatevv, and looked him right dead in the eyes, and said : im carrying your baby?

he said : where? i dont see one.
me : cause it's here in my tummy, moron.

dumb. i would like that to happen with me. BUT, i would not let that happen from the first place. HAH. im not gonna be that stupid kinda girl. i have my pushy-high dignity, baby :)

so try me.

ii cant wait to see JULIE & JULIA!

meryl streep and amy adams are my favorite!! ARGGH. julie and julia when when when??