life isnt fun, thats why i always say that it is fun, because maybe i might get the chance to have the little so-called-seconds-of-fun in life.
and im still waiting.
cause everytime before i got to sleep, i share stories to my Best Friend in heaven above, i say :
"good night Jesus. thank You for today, i met "this guy" and i shared stories with "that guy"! i couldnt believe those moments! thank You God, i love YOU. good night there. i know You might be tired of listening to what people are saying, but they love You, and im hoping."
and i took days to mend my trust to my Best Friend after i found out, i didnt get accepted in my dreamy senior high school. i didnt even have one single reason why should i be breathing at that time. why i went to school. all i did was, cry during most of the classes.
my eyes were screaming so loud, even people couldnt hear a thing. i was hurt. i was hurt, and i blamed My Best Friend and His Father, an i blamed my Father.
i felt like, damn, there is no reason i should be living anyway. but, no, i didnt try to kill myself. but, i wanted and hoped for buses, cars, thieves, robbers, and rapists to take my live away. take it, mean people. im here. but no, i stayed still and still do. i stayed strong but still didnt keep hoping and holding on.
until, i realized my OTHER 2 FRIENDS did get accepted. but me? NO, HE DIDNT EVEN GIVE A LITTLE CHANCE. i felt like SHIT. i was so fucked up. and even i felt like nobody needed me. and people at my house kept asking me to write letters to the head nun of that dreamy school of mine.
but THOSE SHITTY LETTER DIDNT WORK and didnt even say a thing, didnt even toush her soft great heart to at least give me one desk for me to sit next july.
but no, she didnt give a chance.
so, where must i go, God? where? traumatic. since i was a little kid, i have hoped : OH THAT SCHOOL IS AMAZEBALL. i want to go there.
but, what id i get? NONE, NOTHING, such a pity huh?
i didnt know what to do. i felt like, im lost in the middle of nowhere without nobody by my side nor leading the way for me.
but now. i have opened my eyes. i have opened my heart backt to receive my Best Friend back. and every night, i aint praying for Him to make me be in that dreamy school. but for me to KEEP STRONG and HOLDING ON everything i have trust, and what i have given, all of them are PRICELESS.
even Bill Gates cant even buy them.
"i know, i even have no feelings for you to be in that school. in the high school you're going, you are going to be BIG. there is an english debate club. join that club the date the leader."
"do you want to be smart or you want to go to that dreamy school?"
"it's a great experience isnt it? failing is great factor for you to not fail again."
